...surprise, it never happened.
Well, now, for today, it is.
Will and I have been dating for ALMOST a year now(the 16th is the "big day"). Though the first few months of our relationship weren't quite normal, we talked everyday... without fail. Then summer came, and we were with each other EVERY day. We pretty much became inseparable, and when it was time to come home, I was distraught. The person I had grown so close to wasn't by my side all the time anymore. It was REALLY hard to adjust, but I did it.
Our main form of communication has become texting and Facebook... we're both so busy, it's the only way we can truly have a conversation. Tonight, however, that form of communication worked against me.
While talking to him, just like any other night, I got a message in my inbox. I went to see what it was, and it was titled "F*** You"... from... Will? I was incredibly confused. When I opened it, my stomach twisted itself into the tightest knot possible. I've been called names before, no big deal... but this time, it REALLY bothered me. I KNEW Will would NEVER EVER EVER say anything like that to me, but I was reading this message that came from his account... so, it HAD to be from him... right? WRONG. (thank GOODNESS) Someone had hacked his account.
Ever since middle school, I've had REALLY low self-esteem... like, insanely low. I've never thought I was pretty, and I've always thought I was fat. Will has helped me in changing this mindset, but I still have my "issues". Most people act like this is a crime, that I should be thankful for my body, when there are people in this world who are morbidly obese and have deformities that make them "ugly". To that, I say screw you. I don't what it is in my head that makes me think this way, and believe me, if I could, I would change it. When I look at the mirror and hate what I see, I don't get pleasure out of it. It hurts... a lot. It's not like I woke up one day and decided to hate the way I look.
Since dating Will, I've slowly started to see myself in a better light. Over the past couple of weeks, I've started working out, and have actually lost a little over a pound since this past Monday(baby steps). I was actually starting to feel good about myself.
Whoever hacked Will's account, however, just HAD to use "the word". "The word" is one that I avoid using, because I feel it should never be used to describe anyone... it's an INCREDIBLY hurtful word, and I just don't like it. When this random person called me ugly, it brought me right back to where I started from... which is not a good place. All the memories of middle school, and just wanting to fit in with the "pretty girls" came flooding back.
After thinking about this for a while, however, I've decided that I will NOT let this affect me in a negative way. From now on, I'm going to search to find the "beautiful" things about me. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to do this yet, but I am not going to back down.
Now, here's the thing. I want to challenge every person who reads this to do the same. Not just about themselves, but about the people around them, and the life they live. Find the beauty in your life... because it's all around... you just have to look for it.
Today's find: When I laugh, my nose scrunches up. I used to think it was dumb, and made me look like a little girl... but now I believe it's something that makes me "beautiful".
